Being a parent is one of the most incredible journeys. It can be hard. It can be overwhelming. Sometimes, it’s just part of the job. Sometimes, there are things we can do to make it more manageable and to prevent us from pulling out that very last hair from our head.
What’s the Mental Load of Parenting?
Let’s get technical for a moment, shall we? According to MindBodyGreen.com, mental load is:
“the invisible labor involved in managing a household and family, which typically falls on women’s shoulders…worry work…cognitive labor…being the one in charge of having the never-ending list of to-do items constantly running in your head, remembering what needs to get done and when, delegating all the tasks to respective family members, and making sure they actually get done.”
Read: exhaustion! It doesn’t lessen when newborns become toddlers, when toddlers become school-age, when school-age become tweens, tweens to teens…it just changes.
Mental Load as a Single Parent
Hats off to all the single parents raising their children today! The responsibilities are endless and they all fall on your shoulders. There are two things to keep in mind.
- You’re only one person. Prioritize the things that matter, and be proud of all you’ve accomplished instead of focusing on what you haven’t.
- You’ve created a tribe that supports you in incredible ways. Each is a pillar in their own zone of genius. Someone is the best shoulder to cry on, another to vent to, get you out of the house, exercise with, support you at work, knows the best babysitter, meets you at the best playgrounds, etc. Utilize them, call on them, let them help support you when you need it.
Mental Load as a Co-parent
For all the co-parent teams for having a partner, however that looks—communicate, communicate, communicate. This can be messy and emotional, but oh-so critical! It’s fabulous to have someone in the thick of it with you because you know you’re not alone in this parenting thing. Without communication, you’ll never feel more alone.
- Share your needs with your partner.
- Let them know before you’ve gotten to overwhelm.
- Let them know exactly what you need from them to help.
7 Organization Tips for Relieving Your Mental Load As a Parent
1. Make a List
This serves two purposes. First, it’ll let you unload all of the things you have rattling around in your brain. Having them down on paper frees up mental space because you won’t worry about forgetting them. Second, your partner can literally see everything you do/think/worry/organize/coordinate/schedule/maintain/shop for, etc.
2. Sleep
This seems like a no-brainer, but it is critical to your mental health. This looks different in every stage of parenting, ranging from a couple of hour stretches, all the way to half-sleeping until your teen creeps in from their time with friends. Regardless of how this fits into your schedule, make it happen. It impacts how you do everything on that never-ending list, but most importantly, how you show up as a parent for your child(ren).
3. Share the Love
Er, load. Share the load. This is a tough one if you’re a perfectionist, or anywhere close to one. No one will do it nearly as great as you, and probably not in the same way you do it. That’s ok. Reread: That’s ok. Why? Because it takes something off your plate. It teaches responsibility to everyone in the household. There are many age-appropriate job lists for children. Not only will they be helping you, but they’re also going to learn life habits. Win-win.
4. Take Time For You
Yep, it’s allowed. In fact, it’s necessary. Kinda like sleep. You need to be the best version of yourself so you can show up as the best version of yourself for you and your family. Self-care looks different for everyone and might have to be trial-and-error for yourself until you know what you need.
Know that it doesn’t always have to be huge chunks of time. Some activities will, but others are sacred bits of time. Think: a quiet cup of coffee alone before the house wakes up, 5 minutes of sitting in silence during naptime or when the kids aren’t in the house, a conversation with a friend while you fold a load of laundry or are driving between activities. Whatever it looks like for you–do it!
5. Plan Meals Ahead
Ugh, the dreaded what are we going to eat? question. When it’s not planned, it can sound like nails on a chalkboard. However, when meals are planned out, it’s easy to answer. Before your week starts, look at your crazy schedule to see who will be home, what activities are going on, and plan accordingly. Check to see what’s on sale at the grocery store, elicit requests from the family, and viola, annoyance averted. This is nice because you can make sure as much healthy food will be bought and prepped and on busy nights, dinner can be ready ahead of time. Your kids can get in on prepping. Older kids can take over completely. This will change your life!
6. Know Your Week
Looking ahead to the upcoming week is helpful in managing your family. Know who needs to be where and when, and don’t forget whatever equipment or supplies they may need. Making sure everything is clean and organized in a specific spot makes running out the door easier. Carpools are time savers and lets you get to know your kid’s friends and teammates.
7. Schedule Cleaning
Cleaning is often at the bottom of people’s list of fun things to do. Depending on your priorities, it can be a daunting task. And with busy weekends, it just becomes a burden and worry. Or after a day’s work, the only thing you want to do is spend time with your family.
Determine what works best with you and your family. Then schedule it out. Maybe 10-15 minutes each evening leaves your weekends totally open. Maybe Saturday or Sunday mid-days are when you’ve got the biggest chunk of time to dedicate to your house.
Spoiler alert: this will never go away or stop needing to be done. The less you hate it and the more you embrace it, the more rewarding it will feel. Delegating certain tasks to family members always lightens the load–knowing people’s strengths and weaknesses will make this easier on everyone.
Do The Thing
It’s easy to nod your head while you’re reading this and think, yeah, that’s a great idea! Don’t let it stop there. Remember, self-care, sleep, household management–the things that never go away. Being the best parent you can be is the most important thing to you. A bit of organizing can help you to be just that!
Find a child care pro who can help as a babysitter or nanny to relieve the stress and mental load of parenting.
