Dads are so good at telling bad jokes—and we love them for that. Celebrate dads everywhere with a few jokes that are sure to make everyone laugh (or groan)!
- My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
- Did you know the first French fries weren’t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.
- If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
- I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
- When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that’s a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there!
- My friend keeps saying “cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.” I know he means well.
- Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.
- Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
- KID: “Dad, make me a sandwich!” DAD: “Poof, you’re a sandwich!”
- Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
- CASHIER: “Would you like the milk in a bag, sir?” DAD: “No, just leave it in the carton!’”
- What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
- When an ambulance zips past with its siren blaring: “They won’t sell much ice cream driving that fast.”
- What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
- I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
- When you ask a dad if he’s alright: “No, I’m half left.”
- A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
- How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
- What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
- Why did the crab never share? Because he’s shellfish.
- What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. If the cow has no legs, then it’s ground beef.
- I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I ever saw!
- When you ask a dad if they got a haircut: “No, I got them all cut!”
- What did the horse say after it tripped? “Help! I’ve fallen and I can’t giddyup!”
- You know what the loudest pet you can get is? A trumpet.
- Why wasn’t the woman happy with the velcro she bought? It was a total ripoff.
- Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents!
- I’m only familiar with 25 letters in the English language. I don’t know why.
- As a lumberjack, I know that I’ve cut exactly 2,417 trees. I know because every time I cut one, I keep a log.
- Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind… it’s tearable.
- Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans!
- I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!
- What do you call a lonely cheese? Provolone.
- DAD, TO A SINGER: “Don’t forget a bucket.” SINGER: “Why?” DAD: “To carry your tune.”
- How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!
- How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.
- Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
- I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
- Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
- Dad, can you put my shoes on?” “No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
- Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
- Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all of its problems!
- What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.
- What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers!
- How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
- I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
- I used to hate facial hair…but then it grew on me.
- What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
- It takes guts to be an organ donor.
- I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed!
- It’s inappropriate to make a ‘dad joke’ if you’re not a dad. It’s a faux pa.
- What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament? Live stream.
- Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.
- I used to work in a shoe-recycling shop. It was sole destroying!
- My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange?”And I told him, “No it doesn’t!”
- A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!
- What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta!
- I’ll call you later. Don’t call me later, call me Dad!