When you take a job working with children, you automatically take on two clients: the parents, to whom you give your time in exchange for wages, and the children you will be spending time looking after. It’s important to arrive on time, keep the household on schedule, and ensure the children’s safety, but don’t overlook one of the most vital components of the job: connecting with the children. Parents may not put this in the job description, but finding a caregiver who can intentionally and authentically form a bond with their child is invaluable.
Growing up, my family couldn’t afford a nanny or even a consistent sitter, and I can remember being in daycares or classrooms feeling invisible because the adults around were simply “doing their job.” No one was engaging with me or my peers in a meaningful way. It wasn’t until fourth grade that I met a teacher who made me feel both seen and heard. And I wanted to be just like her.
When I took my first daycare job, I was instantly taken back to that dynamic. Three adults, ten children, and the only real exchange was to fulfill basic needs like diapers, food, and the occasional stroll outside strapped in a buggy. Coming from nanny life I was both frustrated and often criticized for always wanting to play with the kiddos when there was work to be done. But wasn’t that part of the work?
The time between the chores, when I was “playing” with the children, I was still working. I was learning their personalities, their likes and dislikes, their triggers, and their emotional needs. Soon, we were getting through drop-offs with no tears, having successful meals and bottles with littles who previously refused and we began to see these kiddos thrive developmentally. Getting on their level and giving undivided attention deepened our bonds and secured our attachment. The smiles and snuggles, giggles, and comfort were more motivating than just my paycheck.
There is something so special about showing up for a family by being able to captivate the kiddos with a special activity or experience. Singing their favorite song, quoting their favorite book, or even offering their favorite lovie could be the key to the first step in gaining their trust. Those apprehensive eyes become receptive and the curiosity begins: “How do you know that song? Hey if you like cars we’re going to get along! You remember my favorite book? And you came here just to play with me?” Nurture that curiosity consistently and it becomes trust. The kiddos begin asking for you in your absence and looking forward to your return. When you get to the point where the kiddos bombard you at the door with excitement in their eyes, parents become confident about leaving their kiddos with you time and time again.
Connecting with kids in your care is crucial. Listen carefully and communicate directly with each child you care for, and you will find a point of connection. That may look like one on one playtime and following their lead. In other cases, it may be your consistent presence and attention that fills their cup. This steady exchange will leave a lasting impact on not only your clients but also your own perspective, purpose, and practice as a caregiver. Be the adult you looked up to, or the adult you needed when you were a kid.
Amber is a career nanny based in Atlanta, Georgia who is passionate about cultivating meaningful relationships between families and the nannies that serve them while sharing her experiences from the nanny perspective.
